Wednesday 28 October 2015

Personal note.....

I was in two minds whether to write this post as I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I am really mindful of protecting the dignity of my son.

Three weeks ago my son was born three months premature at 25 weeks and 1 day. To say it was a shock is an understatement and the only way I can describe the feeling of having a neonatal baby is like being on a roller coaster ride and your not allowed to get off. 

I have been through a variety of emotions and I know this will continue until he finally comes home. There have been times when I want to scream out "this is not fair" I was so mindful during my pregnancy and looked after myself throughout but somehow have done something wrong which has led to my son arriving so early. I have been through immense loneliness even though the support I have recieved is overwhelming. You also get the patronising talk "we are looking after your baby so don't worry and we need to fully concentrate on him now not you". My husband and family have been amazing and supportive but I find myself screaming inside that I just want to cuddle my son without an audience of nurses and doctors and peoples kind words are just not enough to mend the continual ache in my chest I have because I am unable to do anything to help my son apart from just being there for him. 

The care my son has received is amazing and he has come on leaps and bounds and he surprises me everyday with the fight and determination he has which does make me incredibly proud and really shows the NHS at its best. 

I will now consider whether I will write more posts about my experience let me know whether you wish to hear more about this journey. 

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